The Chronicle
The perfect run died screaming
Week 6 of the 2026 season, written once the kegs were empty.
Big Anus Yangus beat jeff 122.80 to 107.35, a 15.45-point boot off the throne. jeff came in 5-0. He left 5-1, the same record as Yangus. Yangus had 928.85 points for through Week 6; jeff had 868.50. Turns out an unbeaten record is not Valyrian steel. Hit it with a competent lineup and the bastard breaks.
Arya cancelled the wedding and took the crown. Arya Winning Jeff? butchered Jeffy Dahmer 178.95 to 121.70, a 57.25-point gap. After Red Weddings in Weeks 3 and 4, Arya finally took King in the North: the best score of Week 6 and a calculated $30 award. Dahmer’s 121.70 was the highest losing score, good for the calculated $15 Red Wedding. Arya was 3-3; Dahmer was 4-2. She handed him the seating chart and kept the fucking crown.
Lord Snow is back on calendar duty. JeffsMomsFavorite beat Lord Snow 106.45 to 100.50, the closest game of Week 6 at 5.95 points. The Favorite climbed to 3-3. Snow slumped to 1-5 with 674.80 points for, the fewest in the league. Jeffyspagettipants and My Name Is Jeff were also 1-5. Last place owes the team a 2028 calendar: 12 months, one photo per month, before the 2028 season. Winter is coming. So is a production schedule none of these lineups wants to explain.
Dallas found an opponent with worse defenses. Dallas Jeffboys beat My Name Is Jeff 128.85 to 96.70 and moved to 4-2. My Name Is Jeff had allowed 863.55 points, more than anyone else in the league. Every visiting army gets a welcome basket and an open fucking gate. Stallion Who Mounts Jeffs beat Jeffyspagettipants 126.50 to 89.65, reaching 3-3 while the pasta stayed in the 1-5 pit. The Stallion cleared the trench. The spaghetti is still stuck to the bottom.
The rescue mission barely needed ammunition. Saving Private Jeff won 98.15 to 88.80 over Jeff’s Mom’s TDs, a 9.35-point margin that left both at 3-3. Mom’s TDs had the lowest score of the week. Private Jeff did not storm the beach. He waited for the opposing offense to drown in the shallows.
Week 7 preview: the calendar derby. Week 7 pairs Jeffyspagettipants with Lord Snow: the calendar derby. A dumpster fire with a calendar prize. The realm can smell this fixture from the Wall. JeffsMomsFavorite plays Stallion Who Mounts Jeffs; Arya Winning Jeff? plays jeff; Jeffy Dahmer plays Big Anus Yangus. Saving Private Jeff plays Dallas Jeffboys, and Jeff’s Mom’s TDs plays My Name Is Jeff. No results yet. Nobody gets a victory speech before the bloody kickoff.
Why this story? The Maester’s receipts
Sworn on Sleeper: 2026 season through Week 6, checked Oct 20, 2026. Every score in the story comes from these ravens: 2026 Week 6 matchups (Oct 20 check), 2026 league users (Oct 20 check), 2026 standings through Week 6 (Oct 20 check), 2026 Week 1 matchups (Oct 20 check), 2026 Week 2 matchups (Oct 20 check), 2026 Week 3 matchups (Oct 20 check), 2026 Week 4 matchups (Oct 20 check), 2026 Week 5 matchups (Oct 20 check), Public last-place sentence, 2026 Week 7 schedule (Oct 20 check), and Sleeper NFL calendar (Oct 20 check).
Week 6 was complete when checked Oct 20, 2026. Sleeper was on Week 7 with last_report 6; all twelve Week 6 rosters formed complete pairs and all custom_points overrides were null.
Records, points for and points against are the official roster totals through Week 6, independently matched against the completed matchups. Awards are calculated, not proof of payment.
Week 7 had not started. Its preview cites schedule facts only, with no scores or predicted results. The calendar sentence is the existing public league ruling, not material from private submissions.
Completed scores, checked Oct 20. All twelve rosters present in six pairs. Scores use custom_points ?? points; all overrides were null.
Owner identities matched to all twelve current rosters.
All official W/L/T, PF and PA totals matched independent sums of Weeks 1 to 6. Week 5 records and totals were reconstructed from Weeks 1 to 5 and cross-checked by subtracting Week 6 from the official totals.
The calendar sentence and ballot count are the existing public site ruling, approved by Alec Snow and reconfirmed for Chronicle use Oct 20. This is not Sleeper data or a private form response.
Schedule only. Week 7 had not started; zero placeholders are not results.
Regular season 2026, week and leg 7; display_week 6. Week 7 matchups had not started.
Past editions
Perfect record. Absolute bastard of a score.
jeff takes the crown, Dallas gets executed, and Lord Snow finally locates the win column.
Read this weekThe crown is getting heavy, and he will not take it off
Yangus keeps the crown, Arya keeps getting paid to lose, and Lord Snow has run out of excuses.
Read this weekA rescue by a thread, a funeral at the Wall
Private Jeff escaped by a thread, Arya lost her armor, and the Wall kept falling on Lord Snow.
Read this weekTwo teams perfect, ten teams hungover
Arya and jeff are still perfect, Lord Snow still knows nothing, and Jeff’s Mom had the worst week of anyone.
Read this week