A rescue by a thread, a funeral at the Wall
Week 3 of the 2026 season, written once the kegs were empty.
Saving Private Jeff survived Jeffyspagettipants 133.85 to 133.70, the closest finish of Week 3: a miserable little 0.15 points. That is not breathing room. That is the gap under a tavern door. Both teams left at 1–2, but only the spaghetti had to spend the week wondering whether the Maester could find a rounding error.
The Wall has a Yangus-shaped hole. Big Anus Yangus flattened Lord Snow 167.05 to 118.80, a 48.25-point demolition and the highest score of the week. Snow fell to 0–3, the league’s only winless team. The Night’s Watch has requested a transfer. Even the ravens are taking the long way around.
Dallas found a name for the list. Dallas Jeffboys beat Arya Winning Jeff? 137.15 to 133.75, taking her unbeaten record by 3.40 points and leaving both houses at 2–1. Arya still had the highest losing score, just 0.05 above Jeffyspagettipants. The Faceless Men do not offer refunds. Dallas has already spent the deposit at the tavern.
The smallest name gets the biggest chair. jeff beat JeffsMomsFavorite 166.35 to 128.35 and became the league’s only 3–0 team. Only 0.70 separated that score from Yangus and the weekly high. No title, no capitalization, just a man sitting on the Iron Throne with his beer on the armrest.
The Stallion gets sent back to the stable. Jeff’s Mom’s TDs beat Stallion Who Mounts Jeffs 134.05 to 108.35, a 25.70-point reminder that a threatening team name does not tackle anyone. Mom moved to 2–1; the Stallion slipped to 1–2. The Dothraki would like their horse back, preferably with the receipt.
A very short introduction. Jeffy Dahmer beat My Name Is Jeff 130.45 to 95.15, a 35.30-point loss that left the introduction doing all the heavy lifting. Dahmer finished the week at 2–1, while My Name Is Jeff dropped to 1–2. The small council heard the name. It is still waiting for the football team.
Why this story? The Maester’s receipts
Sworn on Sleeper: 2026 season through Week 3, checked Oct 4, 2026. Every score in the story comes from these ravens: 2026 Week 3 matchups (Oct 4 check), 2026 league users (Oct 4 check), 2026 league rosters (Oct 4 check), 2026 league settings (Oct 4 check), 2026 Week 1 matchups (Oct 4 check), and 2026 Week 2 matchups (Oct 4 check).
Week 3 was final: Sleeper’s last_scored_leg and last_report both read 3 when checked on Oct 4. Every matchup uses custom_points when present; all overrides were null.
Records describe the standings through Week 3. This recap covers every matchup and does not include the ongoing Week 4 scores.
Final scores. All custom_points overrides were null.
Owner identities checked against the current rosters.
Records were through Week 3.
last_scored_leg and last_report were 3; Week 3 was final.
Final scores, rechecked Oct 4.