Two teams perfect, ten teams hungover

A girl has no name, but Arya Winning Jeff? has 308.05 points through two weeks, more than anyone in the league. This week 149.35 of them went into crossing Lord Snow off the list. The Lord Commander answered with 95.60 and, true to form, knew nothing.

Nobody saved Private Jeff. jeff beat Saving Private Jeff 113.15 to 98.20 to stay perfect; the rescue mission was called off at halftime. That leaves exactly two 2–0 teams heading into Week 3, and ten houses buying rounds for each other at the bar.

A brutal week to be Jeff’s Mom. Yangus hung 159.90 on Jeff’s Mom’s TDs, the best score of the week, and won by 55.40, a margin nobody else came near. That’s not a win, that’s a keg stand. It also dragged Yangus from 0–1 to 1–1, which around here counts as a redemption arc.

The chicken eats again. Jeff’s Mom’s Favorite fared no better, eaten alive by Jeffy Dahmer 151.25 to 110.20. The same chicken sent Arlis home from the 2025 semifinal, 134.60 to 108.95. At this point Arlis should just buy it a beer and ask what it wants.

Melisandre made a house call in Dallas. Dallas went from 83.90 to 147.50, a 63.60-point resurrection Melisandre would charge extra for. The Stallion got sent to the glue factory by 40.95. So much for the prophecy.

Beaten by a plate of spaghetti. My Name Is Jeff lost 127.65 to 114.05 to Jeffyspagettipants, which is not a sentence anyone should have to read about themselves. Somewhere, a meatball is taking a victory lap.